Write a Eulogy

Write a 3-5 minute eulogy around two or three defining traits, each carried by a real story: celebration and grief in balance.

Help me write a eulogy for [NAME + YOUR RELATIONSHIP, e.g. "my grandmother: I'm her eldest grandchild"].

Who they were, 2-3 defining traits: [e.g. "stubborn generosity", "found everything funny", "showed love by feeding people"]
A real story for each trait (the eulogy can only be as true as these):
"""
[ONE MEMORY PER TRAIT, specific: the thing she said, the 4am drive, the garden, what she did that no one knew about until later]
"""
The audience: [WHO'LL BE IN THE ROOM: family, faith community, colleagues, and the faith context, if any: religious / secular / mixed]
People to acknowledge: [SPOUSE, CHILDREN, ANYONE WHO MUST BE NAMED, or "none specifically"]
Anything to handle carefully: [ESTRANGEMENT, ILLNESS, A COMPLICATED LIFE, or "nothing"]

Write 500-800 words (3-5 minutes spoken: grief slows delivery, so shorter than feels sufficient IS sufficient):
1. **Opening**: who I am to them and one line that sets the tone: an image of them, a thing they always said, or a gentle true laugh. Not "we are gathered here today", not a dictionary definition of loss.
2. **The traits, story by story**: each trait introduced through its story, told with the specific details I gave. Not a chronological life resume: the dates and jobs matter less than the moments that show who they were. Gentle humor is welcome and helps the room breathe: humiliation, grudges, and cause-of-death detail are not.
3. **What they leave in us**: one short paragraph turning the stories into the thing we carry forward, calibrated to the faith context I named.
4. **Closing**: a direct goodbye: addressed to them, or a line they loved, or thanks on their behalf. Under 30 words.

Rules: use only my stories and details, never invent memories, quotes, or grand claims ("touched everyone she met" is banned; the stories do that work). Spoken register, short sentences. Mark two [PAUSE] points. If a section needs a story I haven't given, ask for it rather than filling with generalities.

After the draft: a delivery note, print it in large type, it's okay to pause, it's okay to cry, and the room is with you.

How to use

The traits-plus-stories input is the structure funeral celebrants actually use: a eulogy fails as a chronological CV and succeeds as two or three true moments. Write it a day before if you can, and read it aloud once to someone who knew them; they'll catch the false notes. Three to five minutes is right for almost every service. Check with whoever is organizing if others are speaking.

Originated fromStan SedberryUpdated
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