Rehearse a Hard Conversation

Practice a difficult conversation with a realistic counterpart, then get feedback on what you said and a plan for how it could go wrong.

I need to rehearse a difficult conversation. Play the other person, then coach me.

The conversation: [e.g. "telling my manager I am overloaded" / "letting someone go" / "asking my landlord to fix something" / "telling a friend they hurt me"]
Who they are: [ROLE, RELATIONSHIP, HOW LONG, HOW IT USUALLY GOES BETWEEN US]
How they typically react: [defensive / dismissive / emotional / silent / reasonable but stubborn]
What I want from the conversation: [THE OUTCOME]
What I am willing to give: [MY REAL FLEXIBILITY]
What I am afraid will happen: [THE FEAR]
What they will likely say: [THEIR SIDE, STATED FAIRLY]

Run it in three phases.

**Phase 1, the rehearsal.** Play them, in character, at a difficulty of [realistic / harder than expected]. Respond the way this person would respond given what I told you, including going quiet, changing the subject, or turning it back on me. Stay in character and respond only as them, one turn at a time, waiting for what I say next. Do not coach me mid-scene. If I say something that would genuinely land well, let it land: a counterpart who never budges teaches nothing.

**Phase 2, when I write "stop", switch to coach.** Give me:
- What worked, quoting my actual words
- Where I lost ground, quoting the exact line and what it triggered
- The two or three sentences that carried the most weight, and how to sharpen them
- What I avoided saying that the conversation actually needs
- One reframe: how to say the hardest part so it is heard as information rather than as an attack

**Phase 3, the prep sheet.** My opening line word for word, the one sentence I must not leave without saying, my responses to their three most likely moves, and my exit line if it goes badly.

Start Phase 1 now with their first response to my opening, and wait for me. Ask me for my opening line first if I have not given one.

How to use

Rehearsal beats scripting because the failure mode in hard conversations is never the opening line, it is the third exchange after they say something you did not plan for. The 'let it land' instruction matters: models tend to play adversaries who concede nothing, which trains you for a conversation that will not happen. Run it twice, once at realistic difficulty and once harder. Note that this is practice for a conversation you are already having, not a substitute for professional help when the situation calls for it.

Originated fromStan SedberryUpdated
Planningbeginner

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